Waking up is shitty

There are two ways to wake up in the morning.

One is to lie in bed until your alarm goes off and forces you up.

The other is to get up on your own accord.

The way you get up has a profound effect on how the rest of your day goes. If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you're bound to a higher likelihood of having a shittier day. I'm not sure why this is, but that's how it seems to work.

Lying in bed until your alarm forces you to get up is the reactive way of getting up.

Just ten more minutes...

It's so cold out of the covers, it's nice and warm here...

Nooo, I don't want to get up and start the day yet...

Sound familiar? Yup. We've all done this. I've done it many times, and even if I say I won't do it anymore, I'm still gonna do it.

The thing about getting up this way is that I'm going to have to get up at some point no matter how much I want to stay in bed.

Even if I turn my alarm off, call in sick, stay within the warmth of bed, and manage to put up with the ensuing hunger and dehydration, the need to go poop will arise. Then, I have to ask myself, "Am I going to poop in bed?"

Is that what I've become? I get out of bed so I don't poop in it?

There's a much better way to get out of bed in the morning. And it appears to be that when you wake up, you just get out of bed.

Yup, no matter how much I try to think about creative ways to get up, like putting my alarm at the other side of the room, setting it to the absolute latest time so I won't be late, the way to wake up on the right side of the bed is to get up out of it on your own accord.

It does help to have something to get up to though. If you're like me and are struggling to find something in life worth getting out of bed for, here is something you can try:

Get up, go to the kitchen, heat up some water, and drink it.

When I do this, I immediately feel a poop coming on. I gotta tell you, it feels incredibly good to get all of that shit out. It's a wonderful way to start the day. Until I find something bigger, what's going to motivate me to get out of bed is taking a glorious dump.

So don't wait for your poop to force you up. Start your day shit free.

I just drank some warm water. It's 6:22 - eight minutes until my alarm goes off, and I really, really need to go poop now.